My food is zombie food.
And I don't mean food for zombies, I mean the food is a zombie. It'll never get moldy, never get stale, never go bad. It'll never die.
I was talking to a friend today and I told her that back over Christmas - when I had two weeks off - I noticed one day that I had about 1/3 of a loaf of bread on the counter. Which got me to thinking: 'how long has it been since I've made a sandwich?' So I picked up the loaf and looked at the expiration date.
Three weeks before.
Time was, if I picked up a three-week old loaf of bread, especially here in San Antonio, it would have long since turned into a science experiment. I can't count the number of times I had to throw out half a loaf or more because it had started growing colonies of the newest form of penicillin. But not now. This loaf was soft, spongy, and growth-free. Pretty much like it had been when I bought it. A month before.*
In the words of my Texas brethren: that ain't right.
Bread goes stale. It gets hard. Or it gets mold. Or first one then the other. It does not, under any circumstances, remain 'edible' for a month at a time. That crap I had on the counter wasn't bread at all, it was preservatives swaddled in a brown dough wrapper. I mean, seriously, think about it, what kind of vile, terrible chemicals does HEB put in their bread to make it shelf-stable for 3 to 4 times longer than nature intended? Because when I eat that bread I'm also eating that preservative. And evidently a LOT of it.
It's just gross. Really, really, really, really gross. I thought things were bad ten years ago, but manufacturers still keep screwing with our food. You want to know why Americans are fat, diabetic hogs? Don't blame Paula Deen - not too much anyway - blame the people who put never-stale bread on our shelves.
Despite my years living in SoCal, I am not some hemp-wearing hippy. But when I'm faced with a chemical stew masquerading as lunch, it makes me want to hug a tree. And then punch the son of a bitch who made that loaf of bread.
* a week before expiry and three weeks after
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Saturday, January 14, 2012
New Culture
Does it bother anyone else that pop culture seems to be devolving into an ever-tightening spiral of self-reference?
It seems to me that the art and drama and literature and music we produce all depend on knowing and understanding what happened in movies, TV and radio for the entirety of the past forty years. And it's not like the references are passing, there for amusement or for spice on an otherwise savory bit of new work. These references are integral, they're vital to your understanding of the joke, or the pathos, or harmony.
I think 'The Family Guy' is the worst offender, the leader of the pop culture self-reference pack. I love that show, I watch it every chance I get, but I don't see how someone who is not my age with the same background could find any of it funny. I don't see how it's going to remain funny ten years from now, when its new audience has grandparents who don't get most of the references.
Think about 'I Love Lucy,' a show that displays pure genius, that was funny 60 years ago, and is still screamingly hilarious now. I'm sure you've seen it, that's one pop culture reference most Americans really do all understand. But think about those instances the show veered into the pop culture of its time. You've seen episodes where there's a knock on the door and when Lucy opens it the audience erupts into applause. They recognize the famous face on the other side. We do not. We have no idea who that person is or what the context is for their clever one-liner that gets thirty seconds of cheers. We don't get the joke. This is what's going to happen to all the self-referential pop culture of our time, it's not going to last.
We need new pop culture, not rehashes of stuff that's been around for 35 years. Yes, George Lucas, I'm looking in your direction here; matter of fact I need to shine a spotlight in your direction and hit you in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. Stop it. And for the rest of you, no more vampire crap, no more kid wizards, no more 'one last heist,' no more dystiopian computer-run future, no more cocky kids with inept parents, and especially no more sassy young women trying to make their way in the big city.
We need a wave of new stuff, creators that don't pick through the bloated corpses of material that came before like trope-hungry vultures. Come up with something new, something innovative, something we haven't seen before. Sure, it's a risk, the marketers won't know what to do with it, but art is risk. And if you're not risking something for your art you're not really making art at all, you're painting with someone else's brush.
It seems to me that the art and drama and literature and music we produce all depend on knowing and understanding what happened in movies, TV and radio for the entirety of the past forty years. And it's not like the references are passing, there for amusement or for spice on an otherwise savory bit of new work. These references are integral, they're vital to your understanding of the joke, or the pathos, or harmony.
I think 'The Family Guy' is the worst offender, the leader of the pop culture self-reference pack. I love that show, I watch it every chance I get, but I don't see how someone who is not my age with the same background could find any of it funny. I don't see how it's going to remain funny ten years from now, when its new audience has grandparents who don't get most of the references.
Think about 'I Love Lucy,' a show that displays pure genius, that was funny 60 years ago, and is still screamingly hilarious now. I'm sure you've seen it, that's one pop culture reference most Americans really do all understand. But think about those instances the show veered into the pop culture of its time. You've seen episodes where there's a knock on the door and when Lucy opens it the audience erupts into applause. They recognize the famous face on the other side. We do not. We have no idea who that person is or what the context is for their clever one-liner that gets thirty seconds of cheers. We don't get the joke. This is what's going to happen to all the self-referential pop culture of our time, it's not going to last.
We need new pop culture, not rehashes of stuff that's been around for 35 years. Yes, George Lucas, I'm looking in your direction here; matter of fact I need to shine a spotlight in your direction and hit you in the nose with a rolled-up newspaper. Stop it. And for the rest of you, no more vampire crap, no more kid wizards, no more 'one last heist,' no more dystiopian computer-run future, no more cocky kids with inept parents, and especially no more sassy young women trying to make their way in the big city.
We need a wave of new stuff, creators that don't pick through the bloated corpses of material that came before like trope-hungry vultures. Come up with something new, something innovative, something we haven't seen before. Sure, it's a risk, the marketers won't know what to do with it, but art is risk. And if you're not risking something for your art you're not really making art at all, you're painting with someone else's brush.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Since When...?
I got to thinking the other day, about how things have changed since I was a kid. There's a lot of stuff we didn't have, like all the electronic conveniences that were fantasy to an eight-year-old me, there are corporate farms churning out genetically modified almost-food, and even a Europe that gave up all the beautiful country-specific money for a bland central currency. There's also an Internet full of porn and foreigners waiting to rip me off, thank you Al Gore. Amazing stuff. But somehow, some way, other things changed too. Things that bother me.
Since when did 'conservative' become a synonym for 'asshole?' Maybe I missed something, I was kind of young, but in earlier days conservative used to mean a more measured approach to government versus, say, a progressive. They may have wanted a smaller role for government but they did agree that we're all in the same boat together, their difference was just one of degree. Now 'conservative' means someone who's essentially a whack-job Libertarian as far as government's role in business, but - in a stunning contradiction - all for every kind of governmental intrusion in your private life. It must be mentally taxing to try to hold such contradictory views and still fight off Eisenhower's ghost every night.
Since when did 'liberal' become a synonym for 'milquetoast pushover?' Liberals gave us the Progressive movement and safe food and drug laws and women's suffrage and the Civil Rights Acts. That's decades of seriously bad-ass rabble-rousing for worthy causes. David going up against a never-ending series of Goliaths and winning every time. Now 'liberal' is synonymous with 'skinny-jean, fedora-wearing urban douchebag,' someone who just can't be bothered to stand up for what they believe in if it's going to make them spill their $5 cup of coffee. Where are the tough working men, where are the ladies with fire in their eyes and axes in their hands?
Since when did getting elected become the full-time job of our representatives instead of actually representing us? I remember when elections didn't start until May or June of the year the election was actually held. Now, as soon as someone takes office they start campaigning again.
Since when did the media stop reporting the news and start creating it? Time was you'd turn on the TV to find out what happened. Now you turn on the TV to find out what the media is telling us happened, and how to interpret it. Reporters are as much the story as the people they're reporting on, and they handicap elections like Vegas odds-makers.
Since when did it become okay to lie with a straight face? It used to be that when someone - businessman, public official, man of the cloth - was caught in a lie it was a scandal, something parents used as a cautionary tale to educate their children. 'Don't be a liar like Nixon.' Now lying has become so common, such a spin-doctor publicity tactic, that it's almost expected people lie their guts out before admitting the truth everyone knows. It's a terrible waltz, one-two-three 'I don't know what you're talking about,' one-two-three 'it wasn't me,' one-two-three 'okay it was me but I'm not responsible.' How can you trust anything when everyone you see in positions of authority is lying?
Since when did ignorant people become proud of their ignorance? And since when did educated people decide it was okay to coddle the stupid ones? Especially in this day and age, when it's a matter of a few button presses on a cell phone to find out the answer to almost any question, why do the idiots get a pass? It's time to call them on their bullshit and make them think twice before they fling their poison.
I don't know... something's gotta change. People need to stand up again, fight the power like Public Enemy advised us to do, and make a difference.
Since when did 'conservative' become a synonym for 'asshole?' Maybe I missed something, I was kind of young, but in earlier days conservative used to mean a more measured approach to government versus, say, a progressive. They may have wanted a smaller role for government but they did agree that we're all in the same boat together, their difference was just one of degree. Now 'conservative' means someone who's essentially a whack-job Libertarian as far as government's role in business, but - in a stunning contradiction - all for every kind of governmental intrusion in your private life. It must be mentally taxing to try to hold such contradictory views and still fight off Eisenhower's ghost every night.
Since when did 'liberal' become a synonym for 'milquetoast pushover?' Liberals gave us the Progressive movement and safe food and drug laws and women's suffrage and the Civil Rights Acts. That's decades of seriously bad-ass rabble-rousing for worthy causes. David going up against a never-ending series of Goliaths and winning every time. Now 'liberal' is synonymous with 'skinny-jean, fedora-wearing urban douchebag,' someone who just can't be bothered to stand up for what they believe in if it's going to make them spill their $5 cup of coffee. Where are the tough working men, where are the ladies with fire in their eyes and axes in their hands?
Since when did getting elected become the full-time job of our representatives instead of actually representing us? I remember when elections didn't start until May or June of the year the election was actually held. Now, as soon as someone takes office they start campaigning again.
Since when did the media stop reporting the news and start creating it? Time was you'd turn on the TV to find out what happened. Now you turn on the TV to find out what the media is telling us happened, and how to interpret it. Reporters are as much the story as the people they're reporting on, and they handicap elections like Vegas odds-makers.
Since when did it become okay to lie with a straight face? It used to be that when someone - businessman, public official, man of the cloth - was caught in a lie it was a scandal, something parents used as a cautionary tale to educate their children. 'Don't be a liar like Nixon.' Now lying has become so common, such a spin-doctor publicity tactic, that it's almost expected people lie their guts out before admitting the truth everyone knows. It's a terrible waltz, one-two-three 'I don't know what you're talking about,' one-two-three 'it wasn't me,' one-two-three 'okay it was me but I'm not responsible.' How can you trust anything when everyone you see in positions of authority is lying?
Since when did ignorant people become proud of their ignorance? And since when did educated people decide it was okay to coddle the stupid ones? Especially in this day and age, when it's a matter of a few button presses on a cell phone to find out the answer to almost any question, why do the idiots get a pass? It's time to call them on their bullshit and make them think twice before they fling their poison.
I don't know... something's gotta change. People need to stand up again, fight the power like Public Enemy advised us to do, and make a difference.
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