Can Someone 'Splain?

I've been pondering imponderables yet again - I just can't seem to stop - and I keep coming back to a list of a few things that I just don't get.  If you have a clue, please help me out.

1.  Smoke alarm batteries only die in the middle of the night.  And almost always after you've had a hard time getting to sleep.

2.  People who insist on voting against their own interests.  Okay, Democrat billionaires I do understand, guilt is a powerful motivator, but trailer park Republicans still mystify me.

3.  City-dwellers who own Ford F-350s.  That truck's designed to haul a horse trailer or a hay wagon, but Cowboy Ned has his chromed like a UFO and has never had it off the pavement, let alone near livestock.

4.  Fedora-wearing douchebag hipster fathers. I saw a guy in the grocery store, older than me, dressed like he was trying to be either 20 years younger or 20 years older.  He had kids with him, so presumably he understands setting a good example, he just chose to ignore it that day.

5.  What is fire?  I mean, seriously.  I understand combustion, so don't use the 'it's oxidation' excuse.  What is the flame?  And don't try telling me 'it's glowing pieces of soot' because that's a load of crap too.

6.  People who claim - usually very loudly - to be religious yet demonstrate their unspeakable cruelty and intolerance daily.  There seems to be an inverse relationship between religiosity and sincerity.  Also kindness.  How can you claim to love your neighbor when you so obviously loathe anyone not exactly like yourself?

7.  Why can't I get a good haircut?  I've paid from $50 to $6 and every amount in between and they're all pretty much the same with different degrees of suck.  I used to despair, now I'm just resigned.

8.  How could the majority justices on the Supreme Court keep a straight face when they ruled that corporations have the same First Amendment rights as US citizens?  It seems like the setup for a really bad punch line, except they never finished the joke.

9.  Wal-Mart.  The whole thing, from the parking to the loading dock and all around the inside.  I don't understand.  Plus, their 'suburst' logo looks like a cat's anus.