Man Debris

I decided to clean out one of my dresser drawers today.  Not the entire dresser, mind you, just one drawer.  I don't want to set unreasonable expectations or tax myself too much.  There are six entire drawers in this dresser... no need to get crazy.

The driver behind this was my need to get rid of socks with holes in them.  Nothing frustrates me more than picking out a pair of socks and discovering, just before my shoes go on, that my toes have extra ventilation.  But, seeing as how I'm lazy, more often than not those socks will just go back into the drawer, where they wait for the day I forget about the holes and pick them up again.  Hence the need for a periodic cleansing.

This drawer, however, holds more than just socks, it's got lots of flotsam and jetsam.  Junk.  Man debris.  I cleaned it, more or less, when I moved two years ago, but I realized I needed to do a better job.  So I emptied the drawer and found more than I bargained for.  Here's a list:

• My traveling hat, a blue baseball cap I picked up in Hawaii which has been around the world with me twice.  It's faded and worn and I never pack a suitcase without tossing it inside.  It's what makes the planes I'm on land safely.  Tell me I'm wrong.
• Watches.  Two nice ones, one cheap one, and one I won from a claw machine at Dave and Buster's.
• My expired passport, with a photo from twenty years ago, almost.  I look like a dork.
• My old Ray Bans.  I do not look like a dork when I wear these.
• A $5 silver certificate ($5 bill).  Not that I could redeem it for silver any more.  Fuckin' Nixon...
• Key fobs from when I bought my truck.  They have the salesman's name on them.
• Oil change key fob from when I bought my car.  I get the fifth oil change free.  Not a bad gamble by the dealer considering that car doesn't need its oil changed but every 10,000 miles.  Plus, I don't live in Pasadena any more and I'm not likely to drive back for an oil change.
• The warranty card from my new luggage.  That I bought six years ago.
• Old wallets.
• A collar bar.
• Change.  But no pennies.
• An old checkbook from the very first business I started a year after I got out of college.  Yes, it failed.  No, I did not learn my lesson.
• Three handkerchiefs.  I never use handkerchiefs, I don't like walking around with a pocketful of my own snot.  But if I change my mind, I have the hankies.
• Ancient passbooks from a savings and loan that collapsed during the Savings and Loan Scandal while Bush 41 was President.  It's cute, I thought $200 was a lot of money.
• Cuff links.
• Shoe laces.
• A pocket square.
• Oh, and dress socks.  About six pairs had holes.  I threw them out.  Finally.

This is how I know I'm a grown, adult man.  The stuff in my drawer.  I have three jewelry boxes of my father's stuff, and just for grins I took a quick peek inside.  And what did I find?

Old wallets.  Change but no pennies.  Lots of watches.  A collar bar.  Cuff links.  Handkerchiefs.  Key fobs.  Lighters (my father smoked until I was in college).

The apple never falls far from the tree, does it?