If I were in charge of a charity event, I think I'd like to see us raise money by needlessly endangering the participant's lives. I mean, we've seen all sort of fun runs, and awareness walks, and pancake breakfasts, and wine tastings, and... well, you name it. Nothing very memorable and certainly nothing very dangerous.
But think of the 'awareness' and notoriety you could get your cause if you put people in jeopardy on purpose. As far as local news is concerned 'if it bleeds it leads,' so why not play into that? Here are my suggestions for charity fund raising events that are guaranteed to end in tragedy and TONS of publicity.
MDA Bear-baiting
United Way Dirty Needle Tatto-fest
Doctors Without Borders Semi-Annual Train Trestle Dare
Red Cross Cinderblock Swim
American Cancer Society 10K Scissors Run
Gates Foundation Rabid Possum Catch
Susan G. Komen No-Parachute Jump
Habitat For Humanity Nail Gun Dodge-Em
Greenpeace Medical Clinic Dumpster Dive
PBS 'Startle Our Oldest Donors' a-thon
March of Dimes Untrained Lumberjack Week
World Wildlife Fund Maximum Security Prison Experience
Amnesty International 'Is This Really Poisonous?' Night
Showing posts with label prince. Show all posts
Showing posts with label prince. Show all posts
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Aw Man... Still?
Jeez... just when I think things are getting better I go out in public.
So I had to go to the post office today - queries for a kick-ass children's alphabet book - and on the way back it happened to be lunch time. I was feeling a bit peckish so I stopped into a Baja Fresh. It was early and there weren't many people inside, only one person in front of me, a young black man. He didn't look like he was shaving yet, he was carrying a book bag, and he was wearing shorts, so using my Batman-like detective skill I deduced he was probably a high school student.
The kid orders then pays with a $20 bill, which the clerk gives the once over something fierce, even puts it under the ultra-violet counterfeit detector machine. It's the first I've seen one of these things outside of Vegas, so I figure the place must have a problem with fake money, seeing as how the Miracle Mile is a few miracle miles away from a rough neighborhood.
It's my turn, so I order and I also pay with a $20 bill. I'm all set to watch the process up-close, maybe even engage her in conversation about it. She shoves the $20 into the drawer and hands me my change.
I was astonished. Gob-smacked. I didn't think this kind of thing happened still in the USA. The clerk makes double-sure the money the black kid gives her isn't counterfeit, but trusts the white guy is on the up-and-up. I felt like telling her that while young people steal, old people commit fraud. Like counterfeiting. If anybody should be profiled for passing fake bills, it should be the middle-aged white dude dressed like he works in an office.
I don't know if the kid noticed, though it would have been hard not to. Hell of a thing to have to put up with in 21st Century America. Dammit.
COMMUTE - there - 33 minutes back - 38 minutes
CONTRACT COUNTDOWN: 20-something days, I'm losing track...
So I had to go to the post office today - queries for a kick-ass children's alphabet book - and on the way back it happened to be lunch time. I was feeling a bit peckish so I stopped into a Baja Fresh. It was early and there weren't many people inside, only one person in front of me, a young black man. He didn't look like he was shaving yet, he was carrying a book bag, and he was wearing shorts, so using my Batman-like detective skill I deduced he was probably a high school student.
The kid orders then pays with a $20 bill, which the clerk gives the once over something fierce, even puts it under the ultra-violet counterfeit detector machine. It's the first I've seen one of these things outside of Vegas, so I figure the place must have a problem with fake money, seeing as how the Miracle Mile is a few miracle miles away from a rough neighborhood.
It's my turn, so I order and I also pay with a $20 bill. I'm all set to watch the process up-close, maybe even engage her in conversation about it. She shoves the $20 into the drawer and hands me my change.
I was astonished. Gob-smacked. I didn't think this kind of thing happened still in the USA. The clerk makes double-sure the money the black kid gives her isn't counterfeit, but trusts the white guy is on the up-and-up. I felt like telling her that while young people steal, old people commit fraud. Like counterfeiting. If anybody should be profiled for passing fake bills, it should be the middle-aged white dude dressed like he works in an office.
I don't know if the kid noticed, though it would have been hard not to. Hell of a thing to have to put up with in 21st Century America. Dammit.
COMMUTE - there - 33 minutes back - 38 minutes
CONTRACT COUNTDOWN: 20-something days, I'm losing track...
Friday, April 2, 2010
Ah, Look At All The Lonely Taco Trucks
So I was down on Wilshire today - for a job interview, yikes!! - and coming back home I took 6th Street, right around lunch time.
I have never seen so many taco trucks in one place. I know Los Angeles is the mecca for taco trucks, they're everywhere, but this was above and beyond. At 6th and Alvarado I counted nine taco trucks parked around the intersection, vending their food. Nine! That's crazy.
Obviously the business is there, or the taco trucks wouldn't be parked where they are. But there are also regular restaurants right there too. Probably with owners shaking their fists at the taco trucks.
Seems to me like a fad, like the automats from sixty years ago, or perhaps something born out of desperation, a quick, easy business started by people with no other option for a job. But I can't imagine that there is enough sidewalk business to keep every taco truck working.
So what happens when the economy rebounds? Do the taco trucks go away, or do they go upscale? And if the taco trucks go out of business, what happens to the truck itself? Will there be a wave of foreclosures on subprime taco trucks? Do they have subprime taco trucks?
Things like this keep me up at night.
I have never seen so many taco trucks in one place. I know Los Angeles is the mecca for taco trucks, they're everywhere, but this was above and beyond. At 6th and Alvarado I counted nine taco trucks parked around the intersection, vending their food. Nine! That's crazy.
Obviously the business is there, or the taco trucks wouldn't be parked where they are. But there are also regular restaurants right there too. Probably with owners shaking their fists at the taco trucks.
Seems to me like a fad, like the automats from sixty years ago, or perhaps something born out of desperation, a quick, easy business started by people with no other option for a job. But I can't imagine that there is enough sidewalk business to keep every taco truck working.
So what happens when the economy rebounds? Do the taco trucks go away, or do they go upscale? And if the taco trucks go out of business, what happens to the truck itself? Will there be a wave of foreclosures on subprime taco trucks? Do they have subprime taco trucks?
Things like this keep me up at night.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Lessons Through Music
Everything I need to know I learned from Prince
I guess I should have known by the way you parked your car sideways that it wouldn't last. See, you're the kind of person that believes in making out once; love 'em and leave 'em fast. I guess I must be dumb 'cause you had a pocket full of horses, Trojan and some of them used. But it was Saturday night - I guess that makes it all right - and you say what have I got to lose?
lesson learned
no matter how hot they are, chicks still can't parallel park
I guess I should have known by the way you parked your car sideways that it wouldn't last. See, you're the kind of person that believes in making out once; love 'em and leave 'em fast. I guess I must be dumb 'cause you had a pocket full of horses, Trojan and some of them used. But it was Saturday night - I guess that makes it all right - and you say what have I got to lose?
lesson learned
no matter how hot they are, chicks still can't parallel park
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