Things That Worry Me Which Probably Shouldn't

I never run any red lights at intersections where they have those traffic cameras. It's not because I'm afraid of getting a ticket, though, I'm just worried about getting a bad picture.
   I've seen photos taken from those cameras, they're really sharp and in focus and capture the essence of the driver. Usually people I've seen look angry, a few of them look distracted. Some look gassy.
   I would be picking my nose. Which, while everybody does it, in a photograph is just gross. It would be just my luck to blow through one of those intersections and have the camera snap a frame while my index finger is two knuckles deep, tickling the base of my brain. I don't need to see that, and I don't need the DMV to see it either.
   Most people take great care not to be seen picking their nose, they usually do it in the bathroom where they do other icky but necessary stuff like flossing their teeth (you do floss,right? Every day?), popping zits, and other potty things. But you don't really need a mirror or any special tools to pick your nose; your finger just sort of creeps up there and gets to work. Which means that you can take care of business while doing something else entirely, like mowing the lawn or sculpting or composing a sonnet.
   Or while driving, as long as you have a window cracked to 'dispose of the evidence.' And don't get all uppity and protest that you would never do such base a thing as pick your nose at all, let alone behind the wheel. I do a lot of walking around my neighborhood, and I can see drivers just as easily as they can see me. And trust me, waaaaay more people pick their noses behind the wheel than you might think. Including you.

Sunk So Low

Everyone has things in their life that they're not proud of. Maybe you swept leaves onto your neighbor's lawn, maybe you drove in the carpool lane when you were by yourself, maybe you lied on your resume, maybe you shoplifted Reese's Peanut Butter Cups from the convenience store. Hell, maybe you robbed the convenience store for money to buy meth. Well, I myself have reached a new low.
   Last night, I watched fart videos on YouTube.
   It started out innocently enough, I was looking for clips of epee fencing (that's my sport, what I do for exercise). I went through a few of them, and then I saw this clip of farting dinosaurs available on the right-hand side. I'm not made of stone... come, on, it's dinosaurs farting. So I clicked, and that was the end of the fencing videos.
   An hour later and I still had not scratched the surface of farting videos available on YouTube. Dinosaurs, pigs, hippos, they all farted for my amusement. And the people - jeez, just try to STOP them from farting when there's a video camera around... impossible.
   I knew I had to quit watching, but every time I played one clip, there was another on the list I hadn't seen. I felt like a crack addict must, ashamed of myself but unable to stop the tragedy from unfolding. Finally I had to turn the computer off.
   I'd like to say I cried myself to sleep, but I can't. Some of those videos really are funny...

Good Times, Good Times

Recently I had the chance to reconnect with some very old friends. And by that I mean they got old, I'm still barely out of college. I noticed that when I'm with these guys we revert to the same age we were when we had the best experiences.
   For example, my best friend from elementary through high school is now a radiologist and a professor in medical school, a respected, important physician who takes his job very, very seriously indeed. I met him down in San Diego a few weeks back where he was attending a wedding, and we hung out for most of the day. Keep in mind that we've both been adults for the same amount of time, and yet when we get together all of a sudden we're both eleven years old again. Burping out loud in public, farting, making fun of other people, it's like no time at all had passed since fourth grade. We even did Mad-Libs - this time on his iPhone - and they were hilarious. 'Greasy' is still a funny word, as are lunch ladies in general.
   When I was in Texas I hung out with one of my friends who's become like family to me, we met just out of college when we were both waiters. And what did we do? We went to the same places we used to back then, the same comic book shop, the same local restaurant, the same doughnut shop. The only thing different was the fact that his car wasn't broken down and he was driving me around instead of me driving him. Oh, and he now shaves his head because he's going bald. But other than that and the fact that we weren't wearing waiter's uniforms, the scene could have been from years ago.
   Same thing when I recently met a high school friend who's been raising a family in London for eleven years. What did we do after lunch? We went to a used record store. Just like high school.
   Maybe this kind of reversion is unavoidable. Maybe familiar faces spark familiar patterns in our brains, and we just fall back into comfortable routines. Everything else falls away, better jobs and personal tragedies, divorces and marriages, deaths and births. We're back to the same point in time when things were best, between us and our friends and also in our lives at that particular point in time.
   While it's great to reconnect with friends and revisit the past, this makes me realize I'm not doing nearly enough to connect with people right here and right now. Gotta fix that.