Thanks, Dad

My father passed away Tuesday, December 1st. His memorial was today, Saturday, December 5th, and I spoke in tribute to him. I've included below the text of my comments at that service.


   He was my father. That tells you almost nothing, but it says everything. He was what fathers are supposed to be, stern but compassionate. He set the rules but he knew when to let me break them. He taught me many things that fathers should teach sons, how to throw a ball, how to dig a hole, how to saw a piece of wood, how to mow a lawn, how to walk on a roof and not fall off, how to change a tire. Guy things, stuff you need to know how to do if you’re any kind of man.

   He also taught me the most important thing a son can learn from his father. He taught me to tell the truth.

   When I was a boy I was smart and sneaky. Probably a parent’s worst nightmare. I figured out early that all I needed to do to control a situation was to control the flow of information. What my parents didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. But my father knew. I couldn’t get anything past him. Turned out he controlled a bit of information I didn’t know. He used to be me. If I fought or cheated or stole or lied, he’d tried to do exactly the same thing 30 years before. I can only imagine what it must have been like for him to watch me working my mojo, letting me play things along, giving me just enough rope to hang myself before he pulled the noose tight. I know he was exasperated, but I imagine he was a little bit proud too. Just like seeing your boy take his first steps, it had to be the tiniest bit gratifying to see me try to change the grades on my report card.

   I did get caught. Repeatedly. And the lesson that I finally took from that is the truth is always better than any lie. My dad taught me that.

   So here’s the truth. He wasn’t an easy man to love. Those who knew him understand what I mean. He had his faults as we all do. I have a card on my desk that says ‘maybe the hardest people to love are those that need love most of all.’ I think that’s true. My father was a big man, physically and metaphorically, and his passing leaves a very large hole in my life that will never fully be filled in.

   I am the man I am today because of my father. I love him and I miss him.