Gun Show Musings

Well, I did it again, I went to another gun show. I went partly because I had Saturday afternoon free and partly because gun shows still fascinate me. It's like when you roll past a car wreck on a cold, rainy night, you know you should just stare straight ahead and not gawk - it's really none of your business - but you can't help but take a peek.
   I think my fascination for gun shows is related to my love for Vegas, both are honest in their enthusiasm for separating you from your money, and they don't pretend to anything else. Mostly.

At the gun show:
   Elmer Fudd. Seriously. A thin, tiny man with a huge gimme cap on his head the size of Elmer's hunting cap. His cap, his shirt, and his pants all were the same non-color of beige, like he was the janitor of his hunting lodge. And he carried the largest hunting shotgun over his shoulder, almost as tall as he was.

   Vacuum-packed cheese. I guess it doesn't need to be refrigerated? Because vacuum-packed cheese don't melt? Best part: the lady was almost sold out for the day.

   Eat N Tool. I'm certainly not one to do commercials for stuff, but it is a marvel of modern engineering. THIS is what the President means when he says that manufacturing should come back to the USA. There is nothing more American than one tool you can slip in your pocket that will absolutely, positively save your ass in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
   I'm assuming, of course, that it's made here in the US. If it's not I don't want to hear about it. Especially if it's from Canada.

   Neck tattoos. Maybe I was just noticing it more, but there seemed to be an awful lot of young men with neck tattoos. It's just so ill-advised. And icky. If you're thinking about getting one, don't.

   Baby strollers. Like ten different ones. Really. What better place for a man and his toddler to bond than next to a table full of Glocks? I know parents want to get out too, especially if they've been cooped up with crying little poop machines. But this is like the neck tattoos: just don't.

   A surprising lack of anti-Obama stuff. The last few guns shows I attended* were chock-a-block with all sort of vitriol for our Commander-in-Chief. Didn't see one 'guess he can't' poster this time. I don't know, it's anecdotal and only for this one particular venue, but the Pres may be widening his voting base. Or the GOP nomination debacle is doing it for him.

   The knife-sharpening yokel. There's nothing more unsettling than seeing someone's gap-toothed, dim-witted relation lazily scraping a hunting knife across an oiled whetstone like he's on the set of Deliverance.



* a phrase I never, ever expected I would write