Blue-Skyin' It...

I'm renting a house, and it's a nice place, relatively new, open floor plan, good flow, huge back porch which is great in the Summer.  All in all I think I got a good deal.
  But there are a few things I'd want to change.
  Like, say, a roof that doesn't drain right onto the front steps.  Sliding doors on the back that open the other way instead of the way they do right now.  A for-real two-car garage, not just a big one-car you can squeeze two into.  Etc. etc. etc.
  So I got to thinking... if I were going to make a list, why stop with relatively mundane stuff?  If you're going to want, want big.  The sky's the limit.  So here's a short list of cool stuff I think every house should have.  I'm gonna try to get these into any house I build for myself.

Tear-off carpets.  You know, like paper towels.  After a while carpets get worn, no matter how well you take care of them.  When the carpet is looking a little shabby, just pull and tear, and voila! brand new carpeting.

Welcome-mat trap door.  Like in the Addams Family.  Unwanted visitors ring the bell and the trap door releases dropping them into the alligator pit.

Guess I'm gonna need an alligator pit, too.  And alligators to go in it.

Helipad.  For my kick-ass helicopter.  Which I'll be too chicken to learn how to fly, so it'll just sit up there on the helipad looking cool and pissing off the neighbors.

Anti-wind chime artillery.  My neighbors over the back fence are the local 'wind chime family.'  One is not enough for them, they have a scrap yard of wind chimes.  They must be stopped.

Sensors that know when you're up in the middle of the night and turn on floor-level lighting so you don't stub your little toe on your stupid couch.  Again.

An underground lair, complete with fireman's pole and a secret exit for your car, so no one follows you to your house.  Hey, if it's good enough for Batman it's good enough for me.

Peel-off paint.  Inside and outside.  So when you got tired of the paint scheme it would take you five minutes to get a blank canvas to start all over.