Dear Hollywood

Dear Hollywood:

First, let me say that the last few years - heck, the last fifteen years - have been magical for me.  Really.  I think it started with 'The Fellowship of the Ring,' one of my favorite books, and one that I certainly never expected to see on the big screen.  I mean, how crazy is it that I got to see the Balrog and Rivendell and... just... everything?  So I thank you for that.  Then there was Spider-Man, the Raimi version.  Excellent, and true to the story.  Then there was Watchmen, another movie I never thought could be done in live-action.  But you did it, Hollywood.  And it was superb.  Then there were the X-Men, and Iron Man, and the Hulk and the Avengers, all Marvel properties, which I don't begrudge you.  Honestly, DC and Warner Bros. have yet to get it together for a large franchise.  Harry Potter seven or eight times, Narnia, another go at Tolkien.  There was Hellboy - twice - and Constantine and Ghost Rider and The Dark Knight and Captain America and Wolverine.  Superman two or three times.  And, yes, I'll even count Green Lantern.  You discovered superheroes at last, Hollywood, and jumped in with both feet.  The kid in me who always longed to see his comic-book heroes come to life has lived to see the day.  Which makes what I'm about to say a little difficult.

It's got to stop.

I say this as a lifelong comic collector.  I have 39 long boxes of comics- conservatively figure 10,000 issues - bought with my own money the hard way, once a week on Wednesday, every Wednesday, for decades.  The comic store guys call me 'sir.'  I know the material, I love the material, I love the movies, even the bad ones.  I'm a fan.  I'm the guy you most want in your corner, but I can't be, not any longer.  Hollywood, you need to quit it with the superhero movies.  The concept has run its course, it's not novel, it's not exciting, it's not anything I want to see.

Do you remember when you were a kid, Hollywood, maybe fourteen, and you knew your way around town and you had your own money?  You could make your own decisions and not have to answer to anyone.  Not until you got home, anyway.  And that one time you decided what you really wanted to spend your lawnmowing money on was ice cream? Not a cone from the truck, but a half gallon from the grocery store.  And you and your friend each bought half a gallon, and plastic spoons, and you went to the park and ate as much ice cream as you thought you wanted. When you were eating, it was great, wasn't it?  But afterwards... oh, afterwards you realized that the reason your mother never let you eat an entire half gallon of ice cream was that it was a terrible idea.

You're eating too much ice cream right now, Hollywood.  You're releasing too many superhero movies, and they're all starting to look the same. What began as a cause slowly became a business and now is becoming a racket.* Can't you see you're poisoning the well?
     I get it, guys my age with my kind of life experiences run you now, Hollywood, and they want to see what I wanted to see.  But it's not the only thing I wanted to see.  Twenty years ago superhero movies were tough to sell and almost impossible to make, I get it, and now that technology has advanced you can put on the screen what you never could before.  The challenge is to do that with new properties instead of retreading ideas and characters and stories that are seventy-plus years old.  I thought I wanted to see my comic books up on the big screen, but it turns out I liked them better when they were on the page.

So, that's it, Hollywood.  We're breaking up, you and I.  No more superhero movies.  I'm done.  When you get a fresh idea that doesn't involve mining someone else's work, give me a call.  I won't change my number, but I'm not going to hold my breath either.

Sincerely,
Don Hartshorn 


* thank you Eric Hoffer