Family Planning

So I was in the local CVS this morning, looking for toothpaste and sugar cubes,* when I noticed one of the aisles was labeled 'Family Planning.' I had my suspicions and when I walked over to the 'Family Planning' section I found the late-night staple of the drugstore, the condom section. Lots o' rubbers, many more brands than I suspected existed. Which kind of makes me wonder if condom manufacturers are like GM, lots of brands but one big parent company. So if you buy a Chic, are you really buying a cut-rate Trojan? If you go for the Durex could you get one just as good if you went for the Lifestyles?
   Yes, I made note of the brand names.
   But, more to the point, though I was taken aback by the 'Family Planning' label, I think I was actually pleasantly surprised. That is a euphemism I can get behind. So to speak.
   I mean, if you think about it, after-nine rubber runs are the meat and potatoes of a drug store's income stream. Guy races down to the corner, grabs a few rubbers, a sixer of Bud and some chips for after, maybe chocolate for the lady, slaps a twenty on the counter and he's out the door and back home before his spot under the sheets can cool. It's a vital part of the store's bottom line, is what I'm saying. Which means you want the condom-buyer to be able to find them quickly and easily.
   But you don't want to alienate everyone else who comes in the store during the non-panic hours. Old people buying adult diapers don't want to be reminded of what they aren't so able to do any longer, and young mothers towing kids around don't necessarily want to be reminded of what they should have take a moment to purchase.
   'Family Planning' instead of 'Rubbers.' Or 'Condoms.' Or 'Birth Control.' Or 'Contraceptive Devices' which sounds like some kind of sinister, oily, baby-powder-scented machinery.
   Normally I loathe corporate speak and weasel words, but I think - just this once - I approve. Well done, CVS. Now can you do something about a dress code for your patrons? I don't like boob tattoos on even the best pair, and what I saw today was far from the best pair.


* don't ask, I have my reasons