You Want To Start A Riot?

Look at the Middle East right now, a hotbed of rebellion, instigated, carried out, and perpetuated by young people. Sure, it's easy to be a rebel when you're unemployed and have nothing else to do all day, but America was a country founded on rebellion, and these foreigners are putting us to shame.
   There's a strong streak of wimpiness in American kids these days. And by kids I mean anyone from 16 to 25, young people who are working at Starbucks and playing video games when they should be raising their fists or middle fingers to those people in charge. Their attitude of meek acquiescence is brought on, I believe, by too much sensitivity training early in life. I love you, you love me. Bullshit. And by too much hand-holding by parents and authority figures. Their role models are corporate mannequins like Taylor Swift or the well-behaved and antiseptic Jonas Brothers, instead of Johnny Rotten or Chuck D.*
   Where's the youthful rebellion? Where's the 'we don't need no education' of even twenty years ago? It's gone, replaced with bland conformism. Society needs chaos, it needs upheaval, it needs young people who see things as either black or white, not their parents who see nothing but gray.
   I realize that asking kids these days to go from living in a bunker behind the Wall** to full-on confrontation with the Establishment is too much. You just don't have the tools, you've been brainwashed for too long. So here are a few acts of rebellion, call it civil disobedience, that you can use to jump-start your insurrection.

Hide all the Rascals at Wal-Mart.
   Think of the panic it will cause fat, old, and lazy people.

Flash mobs.
   Authorities hate flash mobs. So don't clear it with the mall manager beforehand or you're just ruining the premise.

TP the statue in the center of town.
   Every town has a statue, usually by the courthouse. Let them know what you think of their 'system' with a few dozen rolls of Charmin.

Sit ins.
   Find a cause, there's gotta be one worth sitting in for. Cops these days are kind of wimpy too, less willing to crack skulls than they were 50 years ago, so you'll probably just get detained and then released. Maybe you'll get tased.

Steal all the flags off the municipal golf course.
   A ninja operation in the dead of night seems the best method.

Sounds like small potatoes, doesn't it? Well, even the biggest avalanche started as one snowflake. See if you can't make a difference. And stick it to the Man.***



* the Sex Pistols and Public Enemy, respectively, look them up

** it's a Pink Floyd reference, look it up

*** yes, technically I am the Man, and I'm cool with it. But I'm disturbed that you asked permission first.