Impressions Of A Supermarket

I went to the supermarket for the first time today. I mean by myself, shopping for my own place, I've been to Texas supermarkets many times since I moved to SoCal, with my mother and sister. But today I was all by my big self. Here are some impressions.

   Fat - it's my hometown, but, damn, San Antonio, you've let yourself go. The only people who weren't fat were the guys stocking the shelves. Everyone else was faaaaaaaat. And not solid fat, like the guy operating the jackhammer in Laurel and Hardy movies, floppy fat like they haven't worked out since their last gym class in 1978. It's not healthy and you people need to cut it out. Eat a vegetable for once.

   Rude - I thought people in SoCal were rude and pushy, but somehow, some way the rude and pushy has flowed East. People moving too fast in tight spaces, trying to be first, like it was a contest. Admittedly the NASCAR race had just started so maybe they wanted to get home to catch the action, but still... Bunch of awful people. Fat, awful people.

   Oblivious - in a store that big you'd think people would realize they're not alone. But then you'd be wrong. Evidently there are many people who are the sole occupants in their universe, the rest of us are just figments. Stop in the center of the aisle? Why not, there's no else around at 1 PM on a Sunday, is there? Fat, awful, oblivious people.

   Too big - maybe I'm used to my SoCal stores, smaller and more of them in a geographical area, but this HEB was just too big. You could have fit three of my old Pavilions stores into this one. What's it cost to air condition that behemoth in the summer? And do I really need to be able to buy a barbeque and lawn furniture where I buy my limes?

   No parking lot etiquette - this goes along with rude and oblivious. Evidently people drive their cars in grocery store parking lots like they drive their carts inside, with an undeserved sense of aggressive entitlement. Looks like I'm gonna have to put the smack down sooner rather than later.

   Organic? - okay, this is for sure my SoCal pretensions showing through, but I didn't see any organic options, either in the produce section or the prepared foods. It really is like Field of Dreams, if you offer it, they will buy. Maybe South Texas farmers aren't growing organic? Though I bet if I go to Austin I wouldn't be able to punt a dirty hippy five feet without him hitting something organic. I'll test it out.

   So... all in all a disappointing experience. I spent less per item than I would have in SoCal, but I had to put up with some truly reprehensible behavior from my fellow Texans for the privilege. Be nice, you rat bastards, we're all in this together.