They Tried To Make Me Go To Rehab

I've given up bread for a while. Complex carbohydrates, that is, bread and crackers and corn and potatoes and what not. It's been a week, and I'm doing okay, I've only fallen off the wagon a little bit and then I hopped right back on. I'm doing it to see if I can lose some weight, and to increase the amount of vegetables in my diet. And, truth to tell, Drew Cary lost 70 pounds doing the same thing. I don't have 70 pounds to lose, but it's worth a shot.
   It's a challenge. I feel like a junkie, jonesing for a slice of pizza. Or a cracker, for God's sake. I didn't know I ate so much starch, honestly. I knew I ate too many sweets, but chips and pretzels and sandwiches and pita bread... too much.
   I was in the grocery store today, getting bananas, carrots, cherries, and fruit juice. Like a hippie. And I picked up a pack of peanut M&Ms. No wheat in that, right? I was an addict, substituting the fix at hand for my regular drug of choice.
   If I'd had a beehive hairdo I could have been a portly Amy Winehouse. I walked around the grocery store for a good five minutes with that pack of M&M's, and then I 'happened by' the fresh-made pizza section. The chocolate-covered peanuts were the devil on my left shoulder, tempting me to completely give up my week-long attempt to drop some poundage. Summoning up my reserves of willpower I put the delicious, oh-so chocolately morsels on the shelf next to the pizza.
   Score one for me. I've replaced my toast and butter with green beans, at least for the next few weeks. I actually do feel a little more alert, but that could be the DTs from not having flour in my system.
   If you see me with a doughnut in my hands, feel free to slap me. Or at least feel free to try.

I Forget...

It's been three months 'between assignments,' and while I do love - LOVE - not going to the office, I've noticed a few problems having nothing but free time. I've developed a new bad habit, and it bothers me.
   I forget what day it is.
   Yeah, I know that every now and then people will wake up on a Saturday and start getting ready for work, maybe even get in the car before they realize it's the weekend and they don't have to go. This is perfectly normal, it happens to everyone.
   I forget whether it's Thursday or Sunday. Seriously. Completely blank, no idea what day of the week it is at all. Day after day after day. The only way I know for sure is to look at the calendar on my computer which has 'today' colored gray.
   This is not good. While I love 'The Big Lebowski' I really don't want to end up like The Dude.
   If this is what retirement is like I don't think I want any part of it. Maybe I'll go down to Home Depot, hang with the day laborers and make a few quick under-the-table bucks hanging drywall or something.