Beware The Couch

I stubbed my toe the other day. My little toe. Hard. Really hard, against the wooden leg of my couch. So of course I hit the couch, because it's the couch's fault for... you know... being a couch.
   Big mistake.
   This moment of indiscretion started a karmic backlash that I don't think I've seen the end of yet. Monday night I stubbed my toe, slapped the couch. Later on that night I was flossing my teeth (yes, every night) and scraped my fingernail across my gum, on the upper inside. If you've never done this, don't go trying it. It's hard to do, and hurts like Hell when you do it. Trust me. Brought tears to my eyes.
   The next morning I didn't duck enough when I got in the shower and I hit my head on the door frame. Hard. Scraped my scalp a little bit too.
   At work (ugh...) I jammed my elbow into the bathroom door and hit my funny bone. Been a while since that's happened to me. It's not funny. Well, maybe to someone else, but not to me.
   Tuesday night I ran my thigh into the sharp edge of my recliner, which really, really hurts. Like cuss-out-loud hurt, even though I was alone in the room.
   This morning I painfully brushed my teeth around the scrape in my mouth, nursed the bruise on my elbow and the knot on my head, and examined the dent in my thigh. Then I ran my knuckle into the water faucet. Got blood out of that one.
   I almost - ALMOST - slammed my fingers in the truck door, and had elevator doors close on me as I was leaving the garage at work.
   I'm starting to fear for my life. For good karma I gave $5 to the guy outside the grocery store soliciting for Labor Day feed the homeless stuff.
   I also apologized to my couch for abusing it. Really. You can't be too careful.