Teddy Roosevelt Walks Into A Bar

Hey, there, pal, what'll it be?
   I would prefer, my good man, something with a bit of vigor to it. Something strong yet uplifting.
Hmm… I'm thinking vodka and Red Bull.
   Bully?
No, Red Bull. Mix it with vodka and it'll get you coming and going.
   Then set one up, my friend, post haste.
Coming right up. Nice smile, by the way. Not a whole lot of grinning going on here usually.
   I've just had a constitutional, I'm feeling strong and vital.
I'm Harvey.
   Well met, Harvey, I'm Theodore.
Good to meet you. You look familiar, where have I seen you before?
   I've had many jobs indeed, held many positions. I was New York Police Commissioner.
That's not it.
   Assistant Secretary of the Navy.
Nope.
   Well, I was President.
I don't pay much attention to politics.
   I'm on Mt. Rushmore. The one on the far right.
There you go. I knew you looked familiar.
   Always with the Mt. Rushmore. I accomplished so much in my life, and to be remembered for that...
Well, that ain't bad.
    I established the first national parks, my good man. Surely that bears remembering. I led the charge up San Juan Hill in the Spanish American War. I boxed and fought and hunted and read voraciously and tried to be the best man I knew how.
I am impressed.
   I busted trusts, dear sir. I took on the giants of corporate greed and brought them low with only a big stick.
We could use a little of that now. Lots of corporate greed these days.
   Indeed. One wonders why the politicians of this day do not use the tools of my day to combat these 'too big to fail' behemoths. We called it the 'Sherman Anti-Trust Act.'
You don't say.
   I do, I do. Using that law I busted trusts right and left. You ever hear of Standard Oil?
Can't say as I have.
   Of course you haven't. I broke them up. Too big to fail my Knickerbocker ass...
So this law is still on the books?
   Absolutely.
Why don't we use it against these huge banks and financial institutions?
   Your guess is as good as mine, friend. How about that drink?
Here you go. On the house.
   Bully!