I Resolve

It's the last day of 2010, and I was going to resolve not to make New Year's Resolutions, but that would have resulted in a space-time continuum paradox that might have created an alternate timeline where William Shatner was never Captain Kirk.* So I didn't do that.
But I did come up with some resolutions that might work for me.

   Learn to speak dolphin. This might be more difficult that it might at first seem, seeing as how there aren't a lot of dolphins off the LA coast, and I live in Pasadena anyway, about 25 miles inland. It might be better to learn parrot.

   Take the stairs less. The elevator in my building should be fixed by the time I get back. Let's hope.

   Either go to an all-soda diet or eliminate soda entirely. My long-time friends know that I've been 'giving up soda' for years now, just like one of my friends has been quitting smoking every time he lights up. So I'm either gonna quit the junk entirely or abandon the pretense of drinking anything else. No middle ground.

   Get a monkey butler. Not a chimp that will tear my face off when he gets old, a monkey. With a prehensile tail. And without any tendencies towards evil. It wouldn't hurt if he could mix a good milkshake.

   Earn my flying carpet license. It would be much easier to get around the city on a flying carpet rather than in a car.

   Go to a psychic. I've always wanted to do this but just can't part with the cash for such an obvious charade. I need to look on it as an entertainment expense.

   Climb a tree. Adults don't do enough of that.

   Solve a Rubik's cube. Back in high school a friend of mine could do it in less than a minute, and my younger niece can do it in less than two minutes.

   Go to Ireland and capture a leprechaun. I used to just want to visit the land of my forefathers, but how hard is it to get to Ireland these days? With their depressed economy they're practically paying you to come over. But to capture a leprechaun... there's the challenge.

   Get a job as one of those flippy-sign guys. You know, the ones trying to get you to rent an apartment or come into the tax preparer's office? There's a training class for them in Studio City, and I want to learn.



* if you've seen the latest Star Trek movie you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, just go with the flow.