Lunchroom Ettiquette

I'm not usually one to get my dander up about things (HA!), but sometimes it's good to vent. We're in this together, you know. We share space on this planet, in this nation, in this city, in this office building. In this lunchroom. The lunchroom everyone on this floor uses. Where the refrigerators are. And the microwaves. Where you heat up your vile, malodorous lunches full of things that any reasonable person might think deserved to be tossed out, not consumed. See what I'm saying here?
   I feel the need to remind people that while it is very green and eco-friendly to bring your lunch to work, some things you bring might be a bit more aromatic than your co-workers are used to. For instance, back when I worked at Indymac there were three ladies on the fourth floor – where my desk was - who used to bring their lunch all the time, they'd microwave their meals and chat for an hour. It was a good team-building exercise and kept their monthly bills under control. The only problem was they brought fish and cabbage every day. Each of them. Every. Day. And they'd nuke it for waaaaaay too long so the ammonia stink would permeate the entire floor. There's nothing like leaving to enjoy your own lunch and returning to an eye-watering stench that clings to the paint and seeps into the carpet.
   That was probably the worst, but there have been some pretty bad smells coming from various lunch rooms I've been around. And usually people are too polite – or too afraid of HR – to let their colleagues know just how repulsive and disgusting some of their food smells. So, to help co-workers across the country through this challenge, I've made a brief list of things you should never bring to a small, closed-in lunch room. Think of this as a gift from me to you.

   Stinky fish. Or stinky anything from the sea. Especially fish heads and re-heated shrimp.
Cabbage.
   Runny, smelly cheese. You might think it smells good, but after an hour or two in the trash the rinds start reeking.
Broccolli - mostly because I really hate broccoli, it doesn't particularly smell
   Anything homemade with liquid smoke. It just smells like you burned your house down.
Lutefisk. This goes with the fish prohibition above, but it's so processed it's not even really food any more. And it's got a special... funk all its own.
   Anything with too much garlic, which is defined as garlic you can smell through the paper bag.

Also, don't pop microwave popcorn and walk out of the kitchen. It always burns, and more than once has meant a fire drill for everyone else. You know who you are, dumb ass.