Simple Recipes

I was grocery shopping today - yes, AGAIN, I only buy two or three day's worth of food at a time. Because I'm lazy and I like getting out of the house, that's why.
   Anyhoo... I got thinking about what I ate as a kid. And I don't mean Frankenberry cereal or my mother's meatloaf, I mean stuff I made for myself. Kid food, made by a kid for a kid. The kind of thing you were allowed to make for yourself as long as you didn't turn on the oven.

Here are a few of my faves

Pickle in American cheese
   Just like it sounds. Take a slice of American cheese, the real cheese, not the travesty made of vegetable oil, and a sweet gherkin. Roll the gherkin in the cheese and eat. Mmmm-mmmm good.

Liverwurst and Ritz crackers
   Again, just like it sounds. Get some liverwurst - don't ask too many questions about it - and some Ritz crackers. Spread the liverwurst on the crackers and consume while watching Gilligan's Island. Don't burp.

Big Red and Big Hunk
   This one used to keep me wired all day when I was on my three-speed. Gather soda bottles from the side of the road, you're going to turn them in for the pennies you get. Go to your local Mr. M's store, redeem the bottles, then buy an ice cold Big Red and a Big Hunk. Grab your ass and hold on tight, you'll be buzzing like a hummingbird for hours.

Frozen Cool Whip
   Your mother keeps Cool Whip in the freezer because she thinks that will stop you from eating it. All it does is make the thievery more delicious. Go into the freezer. Move the peas and broccoli out of the way. Take out the tub of Cool Whip. Break off a piece. Let it return to semi-solidity in your mouth. Repeat.

Fries from Burger Chef and Jeff
   Find a Burger Chef and Jeff restaurant. Also, have a friend whose name is Jeff. Stop off at the restaurant on your way home from middle school on a particularly cold and blustery day. Get the biggest order of french fries they have. Empty the fries into the bag. Have your friend Jeff pour even more salt on them. Consume the fries from the bag on your way home.
   Ignore the fact that decades later that restaurant will become a Walgreen's.

Gringo Nachos
   Get yourself some plain Doritos. I know, good luck with that, but they are still out there. Get some American cheese, if you haven't eaten it all with sweet pickles. Tear the slices of American cheese so they fit on the Doritos. Put a drop or two of tabasco onto the American cheese. Put the whole mess in the microwave just long enough for the American cheese to loosen up - it's not going to melt. Consume with a big glass of instant iced tea.

Mashed Potato Sandwich
   Best after Thanksgiving or Christmas or some other occasion when you have leftover mashed potatoes. Get some leftover mashed potatoes from the refrigerator. Get some white bread, the kind that you can ball up and use as fish bait. Get some Miracle Whip, because your mother refuses to buy mayonnaise. Spread both slices of white bread with Miracle Whip, then smear on some mashed potatoes. Devour the sandwich but forget to put away the bread, Miracle Whip, and mashed potatoes.

Mmmm. Kid food. Makes me want to go out back and play with my GI Joes. The real kind, the foot-tall kind, who made 'special visits' to my sister's Barbies when he finished a mission. Ken couldn't do a thing about it...