A Big Joke

I think I've uncovered the biggest prank played in the history of mankind. A joke so all-encompassing and pervasive that the originators have even forgotten that it's supposed to be funny.
   Sushi.
   Think about it. Raw fish. That you're supposed to eat raw. Not like ceviche, which is pickled by the citrus juice in it, no, sushi is supposed to be consumed the way they serve it to you. Pink and glistening and oh-so uncooked. What bigger joke could there be?
   People claim to like sushi, but I think it's the same thing as people claiming to like gin. Or broccoli. Anything that's an 'acquired taste' is something you're not supposed to consume in the first place. We're human beings, we have thumbs, we've mastered fire. We're not seals or sharks, for God's sake, we cook our food.
   I'm convinced that not even Japanese people like sushi, they're just used to it. Imagine, if you will, a cold, wet Japanese winter. Food is running low, and firewood is running even lower. The men go out on the fishing boat to try to find anything to feed their families. They catch a few small fish, but they're feeling weak. They can't build a fire in the boat, but they need to eat right then. One fisherman dares the other 'bet you won't eat it raw...' and, after a few moments of hesitation, the other fisherman guts and skins a fish and eats it right then and there.
   A fraternity hazing prank becomes a national dish.
   I have friends who love love love sushi. But what I think they love is the ritual of it, and the slightly-forbidden notion of eating raw meat. And then paying $50 a pound for the privilege. 'Cause it sure isn't a taste treat you'd want to repeat, if you follow me.
   All I know is that every time I see sushi I think that somebody should put some fire under that and cook it up right. But that would ruin the joke.