Candy Day

Why is it that Valentine's Day gets terrible candy? I'm not talking about the waxy, grainy chocolates in the shiny red box, which are bad enough. I'm talking about those heart-shaped Necco wafery things. The ones with 'Be Mine' and 'Kiss Me' and 'Hugs' printed across them.
   Am I the only one who thinks these are horrible?*
   They're not just horrible tasting, either - though they are that - they're horrible presents. 'Here honey, I'd like you to have a box of mass-produced chalky heart-shaped candies that will break your teeth and make you choke. Remember to pretend to smile while you read them and consume them.' Back in elementary school, when people kept tabs on popularity by how many Valentine's cards you got in your paper-bag mailbox, if someone really, really liked you they'd slip you a few of those candy hearts. I always took the misshapen, misprinted ones and slipped them to people I didn't like, because I knew the message was mixed. They got candy, but it was ugly candy. I don't know of any other holiday that would make such vandalism possible.
   I mean, come on. Easter has Peeps - which can be gross, I'll admit - and Mother's Day has all kinds of chocoloate, and Christmas has candy canes, and Halloween has candy corn, all of which are edible and delicious. Why does Valentine's Day get stuck with something that could be used as paving stones?


* They remind me of candy cigarettes, which you can't get in the US any more. But I like candy cigarettes. They make me seem mature.