Bad But Oh So Good

A few weeks ago I got nostalgic and bought some Spam. It was nostalgic because the last time I actually ate Spam on purpose I was fifteen years old. My Scout troop (go 157!!) was on a canoe trip, and even though every breakfast came with Spam we didn't eat it, we saved it. So on the last day we had 10 breakfasts' worth of Spam to fry up and devour. And then we had to paddle ten miles downstream to our pick-up spot. That kind of put me off Spam for a few decades.
   But after I fried up this most recent batch - Spam no longer uses the church key, it has a pop-top - and savored the contents I looked at the nutrition label, and it's a good thing they didn't have these labels back in the 80's, our Scout leaders might have had a rebellion on their hands. Spam is so not good for you, but it's sooooo good. Mmmm...
   It got me thinking about other foods that are good but aren't good for you.
   Pop-Tarts yeah, sure, on the box it says they have vitamins and minerals, but Pop-Tarts are candy disguised as a breakfast food.
   Cheetos the best part is the Cheeto dust, it's supposed to be cheese but it's not a color found in nature and it's too salty to be real cheese. But try to eat only a few. Go on, I'll wait.
   Oreos With a tall glass of whole milk Oreos are the best dessert in the entire history of mankind. I remember the good old days when the white center of Oreos was whipped beef fat. This was back in the day when McDonald's french fries were also fried in beef fat. Nothing tastes as good, and nothing could be worse for you. Except maybe Spam fat...
   Chocodiles No pretending here, these are chocolate-coated Twinkies. Nothing but fat and sugar and mm-mmm good.
   Anything Little Debbie Same thing as Chocodiles, they don't pretend to be good for you, not like those poser Pop-Tarts. If you eat a Little Debbie snack you're indulging, plain and simple, get used to it.
   Funyuns They're like onion rings, but without the inconvenience of actual vegetables. My best friend used to slouch in his parent's big puffy loveseat and devour an entire bag of Funyuns, then wonder why he wasn't feeling so good.
   Big Red soda This is a Texas thing, bottled in my hometown of San Antonio. It's one of those products you had to grow up with to enjoy, or even to be able to tolerate; you're not going to develop a taste for Big Red as an adult. Its motto says it all 'It just tastes red.' And if you drink enough of it you'll be buzzing like a hummingbird.