Candy-Assed Vampires

Maybe I'm slow... all right, no 'maybe' about it... but I've recently noticed the spate of non-threatening, nice-guy vampires on TV and movies. These are teen-idol pretty-boy 'vampires with a conscience' who don't actually suck blood or kill people or even gnaw on the occasional stray cat, like that douchebag from 'Twilight' who looks like a gay version of Adam Ant, God rest his crazy, alternator-tossing soul. Oh wait, Adam Ant isn't dead.
   Anyway... you know what I'm saying. There was that good vampire detective on CBS, the Lousiana Romeo-and-Juliet good girl/ vampire couple now on HBO, I'll even count Buffy the Vampire Slayer even though she wasn't the vampire, there's gonna be another 'nice vampire' show on the CW this fall, etc. etc. etc.
   To make it worse, most of these terrible shows started out as terrible books, so we have candy-assed vampires across many different media.
   Am I the only one who remembers when vampires were evil? When they were undead killing machines who drank blood instead of angst-y, conflicted weiners with too much mascara?
   Vampires aren't romantic, they're scary. Nightmare scary. They suck blood, the stuff you need to keep you alive. They burn at the touch of holy objects, and pure, cleansing sunlight destroys them. These things are metaphors, in case you didn't realize it, for the evil things inside us that need removing. The whole vampire myth is one great big metaphor for coming to terms with your own failings and weaknesses and overcoming them. When you make vampires wimpy metrosexuals you destroy the power of the metaphor.
   I blame Ann Rice, all this started with her.


note: I checked, and I'm not the only one who's noticed this and is bothered by it. So are these two.