It's a Conspiracy, I Tells Ya

This time of year the sun comes up earlier and earlier every day. Which means that animals who don't have alarm clocks or curtains or nice, comfy queen-sized beds also get up earlier and earlier. Among the many equations that govern our lives, this early-sunlit morning I discovered a new one:
      ((Squirrels + Roof) * Scampering) + Too Early = Lost Sleep
   About 5:30 AM or so, when the sun breaks the horizon here in Pasadena, I heard tiny feet running across the roof, right over my bedroom. There is a tree there, a big yew that the neighborhood squirrels use to get from the ground to the roof, and from the roof to the trees on the other side of the building. The main squirrel highway for this traverse is right over my head, where I lay in blissful slumber.
   Today it seemed there was a conflict, squirrels waging a turf war for rights to my particular patch of roof. There wasn't just the usual pitter-patter of squirrel feet, there was a regular River Dance of racket, with a little squirrel Michael Flatley tapping furiously. I imagine the Jets and the Sharks, vying for control of The Trees, by which the entire squirrel community gains access to the sacred ground of The Roof.
   In any event, the f**kers kept running back and forth over my head for half an hour. I finally got up and went to work out, since it was clear they weren't going to let me go back to sleep.
   And then ... when I came back from working out just now, there was a squirrel on the wall separating my building from the one next door. Usually the squirrels run away, but this one actually made the effort to get on the wall before me, as I was coming in the front gate, and then stop and watch as I came in. And then it sat there, glaring at me with its beady little black eyes. As I passed within two feet of it - grabbing distance - it stood its ground, and it turned away only after I was gone.
   You know, you're not paranoid if they really are out to get you.