Smooth Operator

A few weeks back I had the opportunity (?) to hear and then record a smoove operator as he tried to pick up a chick. I seized that chance because being witness to ickiness like that doesn't happen every day. Turns out, though, that it does happen every few weeks. At least to me.
    I was in the gym this morning, engaging in my earnest yet futile efforts to lose twenty pounds, when I heard the following conversation in the locker room. Don't worry, it's not graphic, but it is cringe-worthy. The two gentlemen in question were at the sinks, towels wrapped around their waists. Evidently one or both of them was deaf because they were practically yelling at each other even though they were side-by-side.

Dude 1: What kind of razor do you use?
    Dude 2: Gilette, dude. Sensor 3.
What about shaving cream?
   Don't use cream, use gel, it's better. Shaving cream sucks.
What about just soap? That would work right?
   If you use one of those chick soaps, the kind with moisturizer in it. That would work.
Do you go against the grain or with the grain?
    Both, dude. First you go with the grain, then you go against. Extra smooth.
Really? That works?
   Oh yeah. But you gotta be careful around your nipples and your bellybutton.

Yup... they were talking about shaving their chests.
   I almost laughed out loud but I covered it with a cough. Usually the men's locker room is a no-eye-contact zone, but there were about four of us puzzled, amused, and disturbed by this. Seriously, what do you do? Tell them they're talking too loud, and, oh, by the way, if we were in prison you'd be my bitch? Some stuff you just don't talk about in public, and you especially don't yell it out in an echoing men's locker room.
   But at least if I ever decide to 'mow the field' I have notes for technique.