My Proust Questionnaire

Vanity Fair magazine has a regular feature on its last page in which they ask celebrities or people of note to answer the same 18-30 questions. The Proust Questionnaire. Since I may never have Vanity Fair knocking on my door asking for my two cents, I decided to short-cut the process and just post my answers to a few of those questions right away.
   Yeah, I read Vanity Fair. So what? You want to fight about it? Right... didn't think so...

Anyway, I tried not to be as evasive and superior as Martha Stewart - who would not really answer a single question, no surprise there - or as self-absorbed and old-Hollywood as Tony Curtis.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
   When Gotham City is finally free from the scourge of crime... hold on, that's Batman...
   uh... a good steak dinner - with potatoes and asparagus and creme brulle and all that - that I didn't make for myself and that I didn't have to pay for.
What is your greatest fear?
   That chimps, gorillas, and orangoutangs are plotting to take over the world. And that they'd do a better job than we have.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
   Laziness.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
   Unearned arrogance.
What is your current state of mind?
   Pretty good for an unemployed bum
What is your greatest regret?
   That I didn't stay in Venice for Carnival when the pretty rental car clerk asked me to. Not a joke, it really happened and it's my one regret.
How would you like to die?
   On my hundredth birthday, falling fifty feet from a circus trapeze, and I survive the fall but the sound I make when I hit the ground spooks the elephant and he scoops me up in his tusks and flings me into the Human Cannonball's cannon, which goes off and shoots me into the fair grounds where I land in the cotton candy machine. And then I smother on cotton candy.