Entropy Gnomes

I guess the little guy thought I was asleep. I was on the couch, after all, and it was after midnight, and the TV was still on. And my eyes were closed.
   I heard something rattling around behind the coffee table, too big for a spider, too small for a burglar. I wondered how a stray cat had gotten into my apartment, but I kept my eyes closed and waited for it to get closer. It was doing something with the papers on the coffee table, which is also where I keep bills I need to pay. I heard it come around the corner and that's when I pounced.
   I expected to get a handful of fur, but instead I got a foot-and-a-half tall wriggling little man, with a white beard, red cone-shaped cap, and a fat little tummy. He kicked his little feet and battered me with his little fists, uttering a string of what I can only assume must have been colorful curses in his native language. I just held on tighter.
   "Okay... jeez... you got me," the little man squeaked in English. "Ease up, you're gonna squeeze my dinner out of me."
   "What are you?" I asked, as the Sham-Wow infomercial played on the TV.
   "Carl," he said, offering me his tiny hand.
   "Not who," I replied. "What. What are you?
   He seemed disappointed. "I'm an entropy gnome."
   I raised an eyebrow at him and held just a bit tighter.
   "What? You think the Second Law of Thermodynamics just happens on its own?" Carl said. "The Universe needs help bringing disorder to order. That's where we Entropy Gnomes come in."
   "You sure you're not just a tiny burglar?" I replied.
   Carl struggled, punching me futilely with his little bitty fists. Finally he gave up and sagged in my grasp.
   "You ever get a notice that you didn't pay a bill, but you know for sure you did?" I nodded. "Well, that was us. You ever wonder why you only have seven forks when they come in sets of eight? Why you need to change your oil? Why a hinge starts squeaking for no reason? Where all the dust behind the TV comes from? All us."
   "Oh, I get it," I said, as realization dawned on me. "Like when I'm missing a sock out of the dryer."
   Carl shook his head, frowning. "No, those are Sock Gnomes. Creepy little fetishists. Look, I'm on a pretty tight schedule here, so if you don't mind..."
   "But I have so many questions," I said. "Like, what if you guys just, I don't know, passed me by for a while?"
   "Well, the food in your fridge wouldn't go bad," Carl said, raising a hand to his chin as he thought. "That's an entropic process. Your coffee wouldn't get cold, your soda wouldn't get warm. Your jeans wouldn't fade. Your shoelaces would always stay tied. You'd never grow old."
   I sat back against the couch, still clutching Carl tightly.
   "I probably shouldn't have said that last one, huh?" Carl continued, with a nervous laugh. "Look, we're a union shop, so even if you... get rid of me, there's gonna be another Entropy Gnome here tomorrow with the same checklist. Maybe even my supervisor, and he's a real sticker for regulations, if you know what I mean."
   "What about Entropy Gnomes themselves?" I asked.
   Carl shifted uneasily. "What do you mean?"
   "Well, if everything in the Universe is trending towards disorder," I said. "Doesn't that mean Entropy Gnomes are subject to the same thing? Shouldn't you guys eventually just fade aw..."
   Carl glared up at me, furious, as his tiny body turned ephemeral and insubstantial. "You son of a bitch."
   In a moment Carl was gone, and I had nothing to prove that he had ever been there in the first place. I went to bed, resolved never to fall asleep on the couch again.