Straight Arrow

I got my most recent check Thursday, again with two billing statements on it, enough that I'm now on the money-laundering watch list. I went to the bank today to deposit it, and it seems that Friday is the day to go to the bank and withdraw huge sums of money.
   I saw a lady with a blue bank bag get stack after stack of cash bound with that paper wrapper, the kind you see in movies about Vegas or crack houses. Or crack houses in Vegas. When I saw that I thought 'huh... she's certainly a trusting sort, to be taking that amount of money over the counter.'
   Then I saw the next guy in line getting three thousand dollars. I know this because I watched the cashier count out $100 bills in groups of five and then paper-clip them together in groups of ten. Three paper clips means three thousand dollars, I'm no dummy. And I thought 'what an odd coincidence, two high-rollers in a row.'
   I heard the next lady request $900. And the guy after her - just before me - got $1500. And here I was worried that I would be a Miracle Mile target because I was taking away $140. Compared to those other people I was strictly small-time, not worth the shoe polish it would take to kick my ass.
   And then I thought 'it's a good thing I'm not a crook, because I'd so seriously rob those people.' Really. If my switch was set to 'evil' I'd be at least $3000 richer right now, because I could totally take that guy. Or the five-foot tall woman with stack after stack of cash, I outweigh her by double, at least, I could just bump into her and grab the money as she rebounds.
   I have these thoughts sometimes. Most of the time. Like when that guy with a name like a sneeze tried to bomb Times Square, I spent a good ten minutes thinking about how he could have done it right. Every so often I'll be in a store and I'll think about the best escape route if I were to stick them up. Sometimes I even think about how I might commit massive institutional fraud and actually get rewarded for my irresponsible, incompetent business conduct, and then I realize that I worked for a company like that and they did it better then I ever could. So I go back to thinking about what I would do if I wanted to completely paralyze Los Angeles traffic. Worse than it already is, I mean. I never would do any of that stuff, but that doesn't keep me from idly considering how I might wreak all sorts of havok with impunity.
   It's just lucky for society that I had good parents and I'm an Eagle Scout. Otherwise all ya'll motherf*ckers would be in serious trouble.
   Just sayin'...