Don't Touch The Cheese

I'm not a particularly squeamish person - the five-second rule in my house is usually extended a few seconds for something particuarly tasty - but I'm growing very wary of free samples in grocery stores.
   The ones you get in Costco are okay, at least when the table is monitored by one of the employees who didn't look away from the manager when they asked for volunteers. When you have someone watching the merchandise then it's okay by me. As long as the person doing the monitoring isn't a hulking tattooed serial killer or a sinister giggling Nazi scientist. If you see either of those guys behind the sausage sample table I'd give it a pass.
   But when I see those samples just sitting out in the open? With no one nearby, and they've been sitting there for who knows how long? The old prep cook I used to be wants to grab the whole plate or bowl or whatever and run for the nearest trash can.
   Whole Foods is the worst, ironically enough. They want to be healthy and wholesome and safe, and yet they leave sliced samples of almost anything sitting out in the store, with flimsy little useless tongs jabbed into the food as if that makes any difference. You see them everywhere, from the cheese aisle to the fruit section and all points in between. People cough on that stuff, they run their god-knows-where-they've-been fingers across every piece... just a flu epidemic waiting to happen. Or salmonella poisoning. Or measles. Or any number of African flesh-eating disorders. Not worth the risk.
   I was in HEB today and I saw some guy touching every cube of cheese in a sample tray as he tried to choose the best one. Really. Like he was counting a deck of cards. Alone. In the privacy of his own home instead of in a large grocery store with other people watching in horror. I did not partake of the Gruyere bounty presented to me.
   Please, from me to you, just pretend that those unattended samples aren't even in the store at all. You'll be much better off. And you'll let me sleep easier at night.