Copper Tastes Bad

Over the past three days plumbers have replaced the hot and cold water pipes in my building. Aside from the plaster bits on my bathroom floor and the long sheets of plastic lining my carpet, the plumbers left something else.
   Really, really, really gross tasting water.
   Fresh copper pipes make water taste horrible. Awful, like blood when you bite the inside of your mouth. Just nasty, or, as my sister used to say in high school, 'rasty.'*
   I don't know what to do, that's the sink where I brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out there, and I don't want to go to sleep with coppery-fresh breath. So I'm thinking I need to go get a supply of Perrier and swish with that for a while, until the new copper gets a sheen of mineral slime on the inside and it stops tasting horrible.

You know... there are times I'm really thankful that the most I have to worry about is that my bathroom water tastes bad. I could be living in Somalia or Afghanistan or some other place where the best water is the one with least amount of parasites and a safe home is a distant memory.
   Maybe I'm just gonna drink the damned copper water and count my blessings.


* Really nASTY

Things That Worry Me Which Probably Shouldn't

Sometimes I worry that I might get hit by a meteor. And not because I'm afraid I'll get a white-hot piece of space rock embedded in my skull, I'm just worried that getting hit by a meteor will completely blow my chances of winning the lottery.
   See, the odds of actually getting hit by a meteor - or is it meteorite? - are vanishingly small. But not zero. It could happen. So, let's say that the odds are 1 in 10 trillion. Pretty long odds, but stranger things have happened to me.
   The odds of winning the Mega Millions drawing are about 1 in 175 million. That's six orders of magnitude less than 10 trillion. It's waaaaay more probable that I would win the lottery. Which does give me hope.
   If you think about it, though, as uncommon as it is to win the lottery, it's far, far, far, far more uncommon to win the lottery TWICE. And that's what would happen if I got hit my a meteor and then also won the lottery. Just not gonna happen.
   This is why I keep my eyes on the skies. If I see a streak of flaming debris headed my way, I'm going to jump aside. Because they don't give you money for getting hit by rocks.

Where's My X-Ray Vision?

If you're a science geek you've no doubt been following the progress of the Large Hadron Collider, and you know that it's once again operational, and set to come up to full power some time next year. If you're not a science geek, you've probably heard about those crazy particle physicists who are trying to smash protons together over in Switzerland (and France, the thing is huge). It's the largest science experiment ever, it's the largest machine ever built, and is the most expensive pure research project ever. Some misinformed souls also think that when it comes up to full power, the LHC will create a black hole that will destroy the Earth; they've even tried to get court injunctions against turning it on. This is all just ignorant panic and crazy talk, and hides the truth of the real purpose of the LHC.
   It's designed to give people super-powers.
   Stay with me on this one. The LHC is a colossal undertaking, huge tunnels and giant magnets and elementary particles slamming into each other at the speed of light. It cost $9 billion - that's billion with a capital B - and involves the coordination of people and materials from Europe to North America to Asia to Africa to Antarctica (really). Who else could manage that but some sort of evil genius like Lex Luthor or Blofeld?
   I've stripped away the veil, haven't I? It all makes sense now. There's no way that scientists and governments could come together to see a project through almost 40 years of planning and construction... but an evil genius could. An evil genius is almost obligated to do that kind of thing. And all this 'Higgs boson' talk, it's just a smoke screen. It's obvious to any thinking man that the real purpose behind this whole endeavor is to make regular people into super-powered heroes. Why else go to all the trouble? For science? Yeah, sure...
   So I want my super-powers. And I want something cool, not something lame. No giant stilts or some gloppy glue gun, I want wings - angel wings, not bat wings - or the ability to turn my skin to steel or super-speed or control over the elements. Something like that.
   It's only a matter of time, once the LHC powers up all the way next year. Watch the skies...