A Nose For News

I got a bit of a situation, and I don't quite know what to do. There's guy I know, I see him like once a month, once every two months, and he smells funny. And not ha-ha funny either, but also not repulsive. He's in this odd middle ground of olfactory confusion, and that's the source of the problem. I don't know how to tell him that he offends, because he doesn't smell offensive so much as strange. Really, really strange.
   Some people smell like the cedar chest or closet they keep their clothes in. Some people might smell like dirty clothes because they pulled their wardrobe from the hamper. Some people might smell like too much smell-good (like the janitor where I work (Ugh...)), and some people might smell like BO. Or whiskey. Or cigarettes. Or halitosis if they've got serious dental problems.
   This guy smells like none of that. He smells like no single identifiable thing, but he is absolutely, definitely funky. Funky like an old batch of collard greens, not funky like P-Funk (everybody get up).
   When you get a snootful of his aroma the top note is mostly old-man smell, that vaguely stale yet vaguely Bryllcreem-y pop that hits you right between eyes.* But after a moment or two, not even a second, the middle note assaults you, a waft of something compost-y yet not organic. Kind of like that sterile potting 'soil' you can buy that isn't really soil at all. And the finish - the bottom note - is a barely-there hint of decay, almost like something that's been dead outside for a few weeks. And, yes, I actually spent time trying to figure out what exactly each of these things smelled like.
   This wasn't a one-time thing, it's pretty much every time I see this guy, so I think he might intend to smell this way. God help him, I think it's on purpose. But it's not good. Waaaay not good.
   I don't think I'm going to say anything, I don't see him often enough that it's a huge deal, and we're not good enough friends that I can tell him anything and have him take it like a man. So I'm gonna let him go on stinking, while he probably thinks he's a major player. I'm assuming this is some sort of cologne, otherwise his whole house has to have the same smell, which would be a public health issue.
   For the life of me, I can't think of any other reason he'd smell like this. Unless his goal is to keep the ladies at bay, and then it's mission accomplished.


* or, if you're familiar with the blue alcohol dip barbers used to put their combs into, it's kind of like that, but not as astringent