Time Marches On

I have to take my glasses off to read things.
   I'm nearsighted, so have glasses mostly for driving, although I passed the DMV vision test without them so I don't have a restriction. I'm also slightly astigmatic in both eyes which means that at a distance I can see two highway signs instead of just the one that's supposed to be there.
   I've had glasses since I was a junior in college. At the time I thought it was because I was reading so much; with concentrations in English, History, and Classics if I wasn't asleep I probably had my nose in a book. And I worked in the library* so that's even more books to read. All these years later, though, I think my deteriorating vision had a lot to do with the introduction of aspartame into America's diet. Right about the time my eyesight started fading was when I started drinking diet soda. Really. Aspartame metabolizes into methanol in your body - wood grain alcohol - which can turn you blind. I think it got to me.
   All this is immaterial to the fact that I have to take my glasses off in the store to read stuff. They either go into my hand or up on my head like an old person. It's just embarrassing.
   Back when I was a waiter we used to make fun of people who came in with two pairs of glasses, and now I can see the day coming when that person is going to be me. And wise-ass waiters who don't yet feel their own mortality will make fun of me. Bastards.
   I can't wait for the day to come when we can harvest organs from vat-grown clones and replace our failing body parts. It's just a few years off, trust me, the government doesn't want you to know because if you stopped fighting mortality the hospital and insurance industries would fail utterly. The only thing that keeps them going is fear, after all, and if you take fear away, why do you need insurance? Why do you need to brush your teeth if you could just grow a new set? Why cut down on McDonald's french fries - quite possibly the most unhealthy 'food' on the planet - if you can just harvest your clone's liver when yours goes South? See? It's all a vast conspiracy to keep us beaten down and in submission.
   I want access to my clone so I can harvest his eyes, dammit. Of course, if my clone is my age, then his eyes are my age too, and quite possibly nearsighted and astigmatic.... this is getting complicated.


* or libary, if you wanted to get my boss upset