Grocery Store Jerk

As he heard his nose break and felt it twisting into a new shape on his face, Chad thought 'I probably should have gone to another grocery store.'
   The older Asian woman he assumed he could intimidate with his height and muscles hadn't been cowed in the least. She told him he was behaving like a three-year-old and when he took exception to her words she punched him square in the face. In hindsight, as the blood really started to flow, he realized he'd misjudged her.
   He also misjudged the pot-bellied, balding-yet-with-a-pony-tail hippy throwback, whose tattooed leg was even now launching a combat-booted foot into Chad's groin. When the blinding light and searing pain tore into his brain Chad made a mental note to remember what it felt like when a testicle ruptured, just in case the ER docs asked him.
   A meek mother of two toddlers got in on the action, slamming her fifteen-pound diaper bag into Chad's solar plexus so hard that for a moment he actually was paralyzed. He vaguely remembered calling her 'stupid bitch' when she'd been trying to wrangle her older child away from the produce.
   Chad's wobbly legs failed and he pitched forward onto his knees. His tears and blood combined in a pool on the floor, and copious amounts of vomit joined the mix as Chad heaved and spat, emptying his stomach contents in one colossal urping bellow.
   Before he could get to his feet a Rascal hit him from behind, sending him sprawling into his own vile fluids. Chad rolled over onto his back, catching the murderous glint in the eye of the 500-pound man he'd called 'tubby' not five minutes ago, over by the gluten-free dessert case. Evidently when the morbidly obese got mad they stayed mad.
   More people descended on Chad, eager to exact their revenge, and he tried frantically to catch the eye of the lone security guard. The one he'd called a 'rent a cop' and told to go back to DeVry and find a real job. The guard found something interesting across the store.
   As more fists and feet and bariatric assistance devices pummeled him and his consciousness slowly slipped away, Chad started to regret being such a colossal douchebag. Then he passed out and thought nothing more about it.