Snickers Owes Me

I was just thinking about how many Snickers bars I've eaten over the years. There's no way I could get an accurate count, but it's a lot. An awful lot.
   Since the time my mother first let me have chocolate I think I've been eating Snickers. Had 'em in school - elementary through high school - usually as part of some sort of candy sale to support the marching band or Spanish club or what have you. Had 'em through years and years of Halloweens, from the regular-sized bars to the half-sized to the bite sized to the fun sized. Had 'em with almonds and with dark chocolate, and in ice cream bar form. Had 'em in college and after college, as a snack on the plane for a business trip, and as a meal at the hotel after a long day.
   I've had more than my share of Snickers bars, is what I'm saying. One look at my waistline could tell you that, though.
   After all these candy bars, after all these empty calories, I think Snickers owes me. Not more Snickers bars, they owe me an apology.
   Apology for what? For not really being food. If you think about it, candy bars are one of the few products that survived intact from the time there was no FDA back in the 19th Century. It used to be that candy bars were marketed alongside various other snake oil products as some sort of calmative or invigorator or cure-all. The government legislated away most false medicinal claims, but candy bars survived. So did soft drinks.
   There really is nothing about a candy bar that is good for you. Just empty calories, and in the last 20 years lots of high fructose corn syrup. High-fat, high-sugar, high-calorie, low nutritional value. You could probably just eat a stick of butter and be better off than eating a candy bar. But I still eat them.
   I don't want to come across as a crazed liberal, but if as a society we're going to legislate an end to cigarette smoking, why aren't we doing the same with junk food? We decry Philip Morris for profiting for decades with a product that kills people. M&M Mars does exactly the same thing, and yet we encourage kids to become consumers. Something ain't right here.
   So I'm going to sit right here until Snickers apologizes. I think I'm gonna need a snack while I wait, though. Something with chocolate. Maybe some peanuts too. And some caramel. Nougat would be nice. Hmmm...