Things That Worry Me Which Probably Shouldn't

I always hesitate before I go into a hardware store, I check to see if there are a lot of employees lurking around the entrance or TV cameras hiding around corners, because I want to make sure I'm not the millionth customer.
   If I'm the millionth customer then when I go in the employees will all clap and cheer and balloons will fall from the ceiling and some smiley guy will hand me a huge novelty check and shake my hand while photographers snap my picture. But you know the employees won't really be happy to see me, they'll just be angry because their boss made them show up and wait around for the millionth person, and then they'll have to clean up the confetti and the balloons. And the other customers will complain, either because they're jealous that they're not the millionth customer or because of the inconvenience of this huge celebration in the middle of the store. Also, I won't be able to keep the big novelty check, they'll replace it with a regular-sized one, which I'll have to take to the bank to deposit, and we all know what a hassle that is, let alone paying the taxes...
   I don't want all the attention, I just want to buy a hammer and get out.