Things That Worry Me Which Probably Shouldn't

Disposable tissues worry me. I'm talking about the kind you use to blow your nose when you're under the weather, a familiar brand name starts with a 'Kleen' and ends with an 'ex.' I'm concerned that these tissues might actually spread viruses.
   I mean, think about it, who do you see using these tissues the most? Sick people. So, using Occam's razor in our reasoning, it only makes sense that these tissues cause the illnesses. Right? Just like the theory of spontaneous generation, like piles of grain creating mice. And knowing what we do about the conscience-less way major corporations operate I wouldn't put it past Kimberly Clark to infect their product with germs in order to increase consumption. I mean, if I were a corporate weasel that's probably a decision I'd make.
   This isn't the kind of thing you can keep a secret, once people suspected something scientists would do their tests, and eventually the truth would have to come out. And then the government agencies that are supposed to regulate this kind of thing would get in a day late and a dollar short and they'd shut down the entire disposable tissue industry, not only the brand names but your generics, your Kirklands, all of them. No more disposable paper tissues. So then what would we as a society do? We'd have to go back to the old-timey solutions.
   I'd have to carry around a hankie like my grandfather did. A silk or cotton square, stuffed into my pocket and staying there all day. I'd take it out to wipe at my nose or the corner of my mouth, and then jam it back into my coveralls, carrying my mucus around for hours. Keeping warm with my body heat. Staying mostly liquid. Festering. Man... talk about a foot-square bit of traveling infection. And back in the day everyone had them, men in their pockets, women in their purses. It's a wonder that my grandfather lived long enough to give my father a chance to come about.
   I'd really hate it if I had to carry one of those terrible things, so I'm hoping my concerns are unfounded. Maybe that's a money-making opportunity, some sort of permanent hankie soaked in antibiotic, so you could sneeze all you wanted and it might actually help make you better. Nobody steal that one, it's mine.