Things That Worry Me Which Probably Shouldn't

I'm concerned every time I have to use an airplane's bathroom. I don't mean the bathroom in the airport terminal, I mean the one that's actually on the plane itself, either the one in front or the one in back. Or the bathrooms in the middle if you're flying one of those great big jets to another country.
   These bathrooms don't worry me because of the smell – though that is troubling – or the fact that so many passengers use them and you really, really don't know where these people have been. It's not the embarrassing, huge whoosh they make when you flush them. It's not even that I'm afraid that when I flush I might get sucked into the blue-water reservoir.
   I am concerned, however, that when I flush I might actually get stuck.
   How embarrassing would that be? I picture myself bent in two like a snapped toothpick, my feet pointed at the ceiling, my arms pressed tight against them, my lower half wedged firmly in the bowl. Remember that my pants would be around my ankles, which, once I get stuck in the toilet, would be above my head.
   I'd have to call out for help, but I wouldn't want to do it in a panicked way, because that would just be pathetic. I'd have to say something like 'Uh… excuse me? I seem to have run into a bit of a snag here…' or give it a little laugh, rap my shoe against the door and say 'You're not going to believe what just happened…'
   One of the flight attendants would have to investigate and once they see the situation I've gotten myself into they'd have to call the pilot over for a consult. The both of them would stand there, hands to their chins, a puzzled look on their faces as they say 'Never seen that happen before…' I just don't need the grief.
   That's why I hold it until we land and then run for the real bathroom in the terminal.