Straight Guys Who Like Musicals

We have a newcomer to our meeting tonight. Go on, stand up. Don't worry, it's okay, you're among friends.
   Hi, everyone.
    Hi.
   What do I... I mean... I never... God this is so hard...
   It's okay, really. You know what to do, you've seen it in enough movies, right?
   I guess so. Just... oh, God, what would my father think...
    We're ready when you're ready. You just have to make the first step.
   Okay. Whew.... okay. Hi, everyone.
    Hi.
   My name is Don, and I'm a straight guy who likes musicals.
   Hi, Don...
   It all started with Singing in the Rain. You know, with Gene Kelly? I saw it when I was a kid, couldn't have been more than eight.
    Statistics show that the younger straight guys are exposed to musicals, the easier it is for them to be hooked.
    What about gay guys?
    They're born with it. Like being able to color-coordinate things and having a fabulous design aesthetic.
   Makes sense. Anyway, it was on Saturday afternoon, you know? Back when there were only three channels and after cartoons there were either monster movies, Abott and Costello, or musicals.
    Those were the days.
   Yeah. Little Rascals sometimes, too. So I was eating a baloney sandwich, with the crusts because men liked the crust, but with Miracle Whip and cut diagonally because that's the way my mother did things, when I see this guy splashing around in puddles. My mother didn't like me splashing, but here was a guy on TV not only doing it, but singing while he was doing it.
    Gene Kelly. One of the best. Singer, dancer, and actor.
    No shit. Like the Brett Favre of straight Hollywood triple-threats. Brett Favre? Green Bay Packers? Two SuperBowls, one win? Nine-time Pro Bowler?
    Hmm... doesn't ring a bell.
    Played his first year for the Falcons?
    Oh! That Brett Favre!
   Yeah. So after that first taste, the first forbidden look at a grown, heterosexual man singing and dancing in a movie, I was hooked. I saw them all, An American In Paris, On the Town, Top Hat, Shall We Dance. All of them. But I couldn't let anybody know.
    Your secret shame.
   Exactly. Every Saturday I had to tell my friends I was grounded, or that I had to help my grandparents or something. It was hard, living a double life. I managed to suppress it for most of high school. But then in college a girlfriend dragged me to see the theater department's production of Guys and Dolls, and I was off the wagon. After that, it was anything goes. All That Jazz, A Chorus Line, The Lion King. Even... God help me... High School Musical. I'm so ashamed...
    It's okay. Really. We've all been there.
   Thanks. It's good to finally be able to talk about this. I mean... I thought I was alone. I thought I was the only one.
    You're among friends.
   A few weeks ago I went to see Wicked. Great show.
    You didn't go alone, right? Did you at least go with a girl?
   Absolutely.
    Was she hot?
    Like you wouldn't believe. Beautiful eyes.
    Nice rack? Hot ass?
   Well, you know, kind of the whole package... I'm not sure I should be telling you...
    Got a picture?
   No, but she has a myspace page... wait a minute. I'm not showing you guys!
    Well, we might like musicals, but we are straight.
   Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for understanding, guys. It's good to talk.
    Seriously, about this chick you took to Wicked, one a scale from one to ten...
   Aren't you supposed to have sugar cookies?