Things That Worry Me Which Probably Shouldn't

Sometimes I think ventriloquist's dummies might be coming to life when we're not looking. I really can't think of anything more creepy than one of those things, with their little tuxedos and floppy legs, heads that turn 360 degrees... What if they didn't need some desperately un-funny man on the brink of a psychotic breakdown to make them talk?
   Just imagine their little wooden mouths moving up and down on their own, clacking as they tried to make conversation. They'd probably be loud and obnoxious, spouting off ill-informed opinions and offending everyone around them. And if they tried to be nice, how boring would it be? What do ventriloquist's dummies have to talk about, how dark it is in their box? How much they'd really appreciate it if no one shoved his hand up their backside today?
   Say you threw a dinner party where a ventriloquist's dummy showed up, and you had to be polite to it because it was your boss's guest. It would probably just sit in the same spot on the couch all night, drinking rye whiskey (because I think that's what they would drink) and getting very, very drunk because they're just these tiny little things, after all. And you'd feel embarrassed for your boss, but you'd also feel angry with him too, for bringing such a creepy, horribly behaved thing into your home...
   I'm not really worried that they might start murdering us, I mean, come on, they're only two feet tall. One of those things starts getting homicidal on me, I'll just find a chain saw, get to work. Unless they have guns, then we really are in trouble...