A Beard And A Cigar

Okay, I'm going to admit it: I'm getting tired of being 'between assignments.' There, I've said it. The bloom is off the rose, the shine is off the new penny. I want to work, even if it means going back to a corporate amoeba and putting in my 40 from a cubicle.
   But I still have dreams of something better.
   I'm thinking that, if I play my cards right and have the proper backing, I could become dictator of my own banana republic. And I don't mean the clothing store (those still exist, right? I haven't been to a mall in a very long time).
   I want to rule a blighted land with an iron fist, I want to take over from a corrupt regime and become even more corrupt, I want to grow a bushy beard and smoke a big cigar. I want my image plastered on every wall and have my statues in every public square. I want my citizens to publicly praise me yet privately condemn me. I want Google to cater to me, and then develop a conscience only when my state hackers try to crack their system. I want Wall Street vampires to admire me and wonder how they can duplicate my political success in their financial world.
   Couldn't be worse than fighting LA traffic to work at a soulless corporation for defeated, sallow middle-managers who aren't good at their jobs and don't care to be. At least if I was Great Leader of my own banana republic I'd be the one abusing my power at the expense of others, instead of being the victim.
   Of course, my regime is destined to fail. Eventually. They always do - Hugo Chavez, I'm looking at you here. But if I'm properly paranoid and ruthless I could make it last a good twenty, maybe thirty years. I'm gonna need a cadre of faithful believers in my 'cause,' who I will eventually and gradually betray until I become the very thing I was fighting against. Who's up for it?