Tales From My Past - Truck Driver

A while back I worked on a military base, and not too far from that base was one of those truck driving schools. If you stay up late enough at night you see ads for them on TV, sometimes in them middle of the day when proper folks are holed up in their cubicles, slaving away for the Man.
   Anyway, I had always wanted to learn how to drive an 18-wheeler, you never know when something like that is going to come in handy. You're at a party, for instance, and the host decides to pack up and move right then, and needs someone who knows how to drive a truck. I would be the only one to raise my hand when the frantic question comes 'anybody here know how to drive a big rig?'
   I was interested enough to write the number down from the billboard as I drove in one morning, and I called them that afternoon. The guy on the other end was kind of disinterested, bored almost, when he answered the phone. I told him I wanted to learn how to drive a rig, and asked how much it cost to learn.
   He asked me if I had a valid driver's license. I said I did. His voice perked up and he got a little interested.
   He asked me how many moving violations I'd ever had. I told him none. He got more interested in the conversation.
   He asked me how many misdemeanor offenses I'd been convicted of or plead guilty to. I told him none. He got far more interested.
   He asked me how many felony convictions I'd ever had or plead guilty to. I told him none. He got downright excited.
   I could almost see him dancing around his office as he explained to me that someone with my clean record could practically write his own ticket, that once I made it through truck driver's school I could find a gig with almost any major company in the nation. And if the stars aligned and everything worked out, I might be able to get that company to remit me the cost of school, assuming, of course, that I kept a clean record as a professional driver.
   It was at this point that I became uncomfortable. I didn't want to become a professional driver, I'm happy with my Class C. All I ever wanted was to know how to drive a big rig, not to actually do it for a living. The guy on the other end of the phone was ready with career placement for a career I didn't want. Still, I was willing to play along, I said I still didn't know how much it cost, and that was the deciding factor. The wheels in my mind were turning, and I figured I could just pay for the classes and then not show up on test day or something.
   The guy let the guillotine drop. Fifty-five hundred dollars. With no financial aid to speak of. Holy crap, I was thinking it was a couple hundred bucks, tops. Like driver's ed in high school or something. I told the guy I'd have to think about it, I didn't know if I could get my hands on that kind of money. At least I wasn't lying about that part. When he hung up I could feel his disappointment radiating out through the phone line.
   To this day I still don't know how to drive an 18-wheeler. Maybe if I did I'd be employed right now.