Know What This Country Needs?

I've figured it out, I know what the problem with America is, and - even better - I've know how to fix it. I know what the country needs:
   Stooges.
   I mean The Three Stooges, not Iggy Pop's Stooges, because as good as they are Iggy's crew just can't do the job. What we need is some good old-fashioned pie-in-the-face slapstick. We need grown men poking each other in the eyes and slapping each other in the face, chasing each other with dental pliers and buckets of cement and lobsters. There's not enough of that these days.
   If you think about it, the Three Stooges started during the Great Depression of the 30's (not the one right now, duh), were active through the 50's and 60's, and stopped performing in 1975. And when did things start going wrong for America? That's right, 1975, a year after Nixon resigned in disgrace and right when the US finally got out of Vietnam. It's all been one long downward slide in the decades since.
   The evidence is there for anyone to see. All of a sudden you get a government in serious trouble and almost constantly at war, endemic corruption not seen since Tammany Hall, and weasels and incompetents running public and private institutions into ruin and it happens just when the Stooges stop performing.
   Coincidence? I think not.
   We need to let our Senators and Congressmen know, get some of that TARP money set aside, we should all shout it from the rooftops:
   Bring back the Stooges! Bring back the Stooges! Bring back the Stooges!
   Come on, people, I can't do this alone...