In honor of Earth Day, I have resolved to reduce my impact on the environment. I already recycle, when I had a job I walked to work, I try to buy from the local farmer's market, I even try to take slower, deeper breaths for some reason. I thought quite a bit about what more I could do. Then it hit me.
I'm going to stop farting.
Over my lifetime I've more than contributed to the aggregate surplus of greenhouse gasses, believe me. Around the campfire as a Boy Scout, in the dorm room at college, passing by other waiters' tables in the restaurant, you know the regular stuff. And as enjoyable as that was, it's time to move on. Time to contribute to society instead of dragging you all down with my flatulence.
So long, gas. It's been good, but our time together is done.
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