Things That Worry Me Which Probably Shouldn't

I'm never going to fly in a plane over the Andes, because I know that when the plane crashes some Peruvian soccer team is going to make barbacoa out of me.
   That's not to say that I wouldn't make a great feast for cannibals, I don't smoke, I don't drink, and I have a nice bit of fat marbling around my mid-section, where human bacon would come from. I just think that if I'm going to be cannibalized, there are better places to do it than the side of a frozen, desolate Andean mountain range. Like Hawaii, maybe. They could put me in a pit and cover me with banana leaves, as long as they didn't put an apple in my mouth. I'd also be down with a stew pot in an African jungle, because I know then Tarzan would save me.